1.Treat like a formal binding agreement.
You must approach the parallel parenting agreement as if it were the most important business agreement you have ever negotiated and signed. You must be able to find answers to virtually all of your questions regarding your child’s care in this agreement, for example, who has custody and when; what exchange point will be used to transfer custody; what happens when your child gets sick or needs emergency care; is bedtime flexible or strictly mandated; etc. Share a copy of your agreement with a trusted member of your support network and your legal representative. As well as protecting your decisions, this document also covers your child’s welfare. As you hold your child’s other parent accountable after it has been written and signed, hold yourself accountable.

2. Outline any consequences if the agreement is violated.
Consequences should address any breach of the agreement. For example, suppose the child is not returned at the specified time. In that case, law enforcement personnel may be contacted, as may cancellation of visiting rights for a certain period if the parent fails to appear on the scheduled date. Despite your ex’s attempts to make you trust them, don’t let them dissuade you from stipulating consequences if they get it wrong.

3. Use the Plan as a Guide.
Follow the parallel parenting plan no matter how strong your emotions toward the other parent might be. A parallel parenting plan minimizes emotional engagement between parents and focuses on what is fair and in the child’s best interest. Our perspective becomes muddled when we get tangled up in our emotions, and we may lose sight of how our emotions negatively affect our children.

4. Maintain Established Boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are crucial to every relationship, whether it’s between friends, family, or colleagues at work. Indeed, no relationship is sustainable without boundaries. To ensure a parallel parenting plan is successful, boundaries are especially important. Resist the urge to “check in” on your child when they are with your ex. This is an important boundary that must be observed. Your ex must do their best to uphold this boundary too. It is essential to set boundaries so that your ex knows where you and your responsibilities begin and where theirs end.

5. Keep Communication to a Minimum.
Parental roles are clarified in parallel parenting agreements and communication frequency and methods. By eliminating conflict between parents, children are not exposed to any other dysfunction. Children do not enjoy witnessing parental conflict. Separation enables healthier parenting practices to take hold once a couple determines separation is necessary. Communicate with your ex only when necessary and as agreed in the parallel parenting agreement, you have established.

6. Your Child’s Welfare Must Come First.
Remember, most children want their parents to be together. Separation and divorce are forms of trauma that can negatively impact your child. This means you never give your child reason to mistrust their other parent and don’t communicate negative messages about them to your child. Do your best to keep your children out of the crosshair of your discontent with your ex. Your child will likely experience confusion and anxiety due to these practices, leading to a regression in behavior and problems in school.

7. Every child is an individual.
It is unnecessary for your child to reflect your feelings about your ex, just as you would not necessarily want them to reflect your ex’s feelings about you. It’s important to teach your children respect for their other parents because they absorb everything they’re exposed to. By doing this, your child will not feel that they are wrong to feel affection for both parents.

8. Don’t be a Bully.
Embrace the fact that there are many ways to do parenting “right” and that each parent can be successful in their own way. You must believe that your ex has their child’s best interest at heart just like you have their best interest at heart. Children tend to resent a parent for trying to hurt their other parent if they can’t see your negative viewpoint of your ex. It would help if you didn’t try to tell your ex how they should parent their child but rather let them make their own decisions. Having clear directives regarding when and what type of communication can be shared between parents helps keep them from trying to give unsolicited advice or feedback to the other parent.

9. Your Child Needs the Support of Both Parents.
Recognize that your child deserves to develop deep relationships with both parents and both sides of their family. Children need all the support and love they can get in life. By unfairly limiting the time they spend with the other parent or their extended family, your actions harm your ex and negatively affect your child. Children, like adults, have a huge capacity to love others, and you won’t lose any love your child feels for you by supporting their opportunities to get to know their extended family.

10. Alert Appropriate Authorities When Necessary.
If you suspect your child’s safety is at risk, alert the appropriate authorities. Personally confronting your ex may put you at risk of harm or danger. Make a call to the reporting agencies, i.e., CPS, legal representatives, and your support system for support. If your relationship with the other parent was high-conflict or involved threats of harm to you or your child, ensure you have someone present with you at drop-off and pick-up meetings.